ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A bitchslap is in order.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
