I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
