i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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