bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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