I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
