I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
