I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
