so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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