Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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