I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We don't watch enough power rangers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
