I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Drake has all the answers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
