remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
