My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
