Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
