I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
