Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
