I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
