No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
