If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
