I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
