it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
