i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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