If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize