does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
