Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
