Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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