So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
