part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
