Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
