If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
