I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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