My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
