You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize