My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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