Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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