you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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