Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
