awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
