Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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