peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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