that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize