Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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