i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
