how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
