I wish I could teleport
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
