Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
