her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
