you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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