angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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