yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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