this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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