Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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