dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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