It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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