Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
