:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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