Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
