Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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