Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
