Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
