Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
