Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
