Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
