I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
