Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry about my life...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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