FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize